Close Quarters

Series Concept:

Close Quarters is a surreal, character-driven sitcom about two men failing to grow up, their chaotic domestic purgatory, and the magnetic force of their landlady who may or may not be immortal.

Set almost entirely inside one flat (and occasionally the hallway), the series explores modern malaise, failed ambition, and deeply petty power struggles in the face of non-problems inflated into existential crises. Think Peep Show meets Father Ted, with the emotional maturity of The Simpsons and the stormy grandeur of a broken kettle.

Each episode sees the trio spiral from minor inconvenience to full emotional collapse, only to be reset by a shrug and a sarcastic comment, ready to repeat the cycle again. No one grows. Nothing changes. And thank God for that.

Why Now?

Close Quarters taps into the post-lockdown, pre-apocalypse ennui of a generation stuck between procrastination and panic, trapped with themselves and their snack supplies. It’s smart, silly, and deeply Scottish—with room for low-stakes insanity and high-concept surrealism.

Main Characters:

FRASER CALDWELL (mid-30s)
A neurotic, self-proclaimed intellectual who treats a broken kettle like the fall of civilisation. Believes he’s destined for greatness despite never finishing anything, including his novel, emails, or sentences. Obsessed with his “Emergency Protocol: Do Not Deviate” binder.
Thinks he’s Frasier Crane. Is actually a damp Mark Corrigan.

MALCY JOHNSON (early 30s)
A cheerful conman who’ll sell you a fake Rolex and eat your crisps. Has a “business plan” written on the back of a Monster Munch packet and a diet consisting mostly of crisps and hope. More emotionally intelligent than he lets on—but don’t tell Fraser.
Del Boy energy in a Bernard Black lifestyle.

BIG DONNA MACKENZIE (early 50s)
Their landlady. Blunt, bawdy, brilliant. Owns two flats and the entire atmosphere. Treats Fraser like a weird little husband she never married. Unstoppable, unbothered, and somehow always wearing leopard print.
A cross between Nessa, Dina, and a supernatural phenomenon.